Sam (crazy candle person) ✦ pfp
Sam (crazy candle person) ✦
@samantha
Had to have a tough (but unsuccessful) conversation with my younger sister, who is interning at a law firm right now. Her mentor grilled her during a 30 min private feedback session and expressed that she was not ready to participate in trial. My sister was upset that she felt belittled, and that the feedback was done in private as she thought it was so her mentor could humiliate her. During the session she broke down crying, because she felt bad, and she also mentioned that she wanted to make her mentor feel guilty. I tried to break it down for her, that feedback in private is great, that intense feedback is a gift, and that crying in the workplace can impact her upward mobility against her less emotional peers. And crying can also affect her professional reputation, because it can be perceived as taking feedback poorly. I told her she could just take the feedback and cry in the bathroom if she had to. She became upset with me that I did not agree with her response. I called her immature after attempting to break it down multiple times, which I feel bad for. One thing I try to refrain from is putting labels on people’s actions or personalities, but of course my sister can push all my buttons to make me lose my patience 🤣 and that’s still my fault and I own that. As a sibling to her I do not want to make her feel more bad than she already feels. But I also feel a responsibility to be honest with her, even if she doesn’t want to listen, and hope that the advice permeates when she has a cooler head. Sometimes you gotta give people you care about tough feedback 😜
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CRUNNELLA
@crunnella
She’s lucky to have such a wise older sister like you and you’re totally right. As a crier myself, I have gotten all the weird looks and assumptions in those moments where I was crying in public. I mean it’s not like I enjoy crying in public, but I had a phase of like I NEED TO CRY WHEN I NEED TO CRY I DONT CARE WHO SEES ME CRY AT LEAST IT MEANS I CAN EXPRESS EMOTION UNLIKE THESE SOULLESS ROBOTS. I look back and although I know and understand that I was fine and it was valid and emotionally healthy to be crying in those moments, when you zoom out you realize there are a lot of people who don’t even know what to do or how to react when other people show emotion. Like some of them go into shock I’m pretty sure. And if they’re disconnected from their emotional side or had no context of why this girl is crying, I must have really looked psycho. So yeah moral of the story is I try not to cry in public anymore. I prefer crying in my safe spaces. It’s not always easy to be strong and hold it in, but the world just can’t handle witnessing my emotional depth and sensitivity to the level that I experience it!!
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HH
@hamud
big sis watching lil sis make all the same mistakes again
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thumb
@thumb
so hard to give family feedback
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peanut⭐️
@coconutrinds
i definitely do get her, earlier in my working days i did a little stint in HR and honestly all the unspoken rules in corporate society can be a little overwhelming. breaking down is ok (but only privately, haha) hopefully with time she’ll grow thicker skin and come around, rooting for her!
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Patricia Lee
@patriciaxlee.eth
❤️ Tough love - hard to give but so important to receive. Shows you care because it’s much easier to just validate and say “yeah the world was so mean to you.” (Don’t know if you watched Gilmore Girls, but it reminds me of Rory.) It also makes me wonder how certain educational environments these days prepare kids for that kind of feedback. I hear from my educator friends that they feel they’re walking on eggshells often at work.
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🎀 sonya (in theory) 🐰 pfp
🎀 sonya (in theory) 🐰
@sonyasupposedly
She probably needs some time to process your response, as well as the original feedback. Hopefully she'll see the wisdom of your guidance, and understand that it comes from experience. And if not now, then probably in a few years 😵 Growing that professional thick skin is tough. She's lucky to have someone in her corner who will be honest even when it hurts!
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Pearleyy
@peepee2
Right... you're right, and I hope she gets to see it . Crying will infact make her look timid especially in that place of work. I really hope she sees that you meant good. Its nice you were honest with her
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thatdamnboy.base.eth
@hitman42.eth
This kind of feedback convo is tough in the moment, but she’ll probably reflect on it later and be grateful.
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Fei
@feeei
With you on this one. I found that feedback to my younger brother never ever penetrated during the conversation, but I’d see him integrate it in the future, whether he knew/liked it or not. That’s the big sister reward.
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TheModestThief
@thief
it’s just a necessary path she needed to walk imo
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Elliot Nguyen
@elliot21nguyen
That’s what a real sister does. That’s great of you to call it what it is. Hope your sister can learn and understand what you mean cuz those are THE skills to take someone far in their career
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D_GOAT
@dgoattoken
I think the only wrong you had in here was using the word “immature” , I don’t think anything hurts pretty more than that, getting called immature for having a meltdown during our vulnerable moment , been there
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Kaju
@kajuthenut
This is such good advice!! Managing “big feelings” without erupting(chewing something up, barking, crying, etc) is important and really hard for both dogs and humans! Gotta learn how to control yourself for the 🦴 🧀 💰.
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Reeeny
@reeeny
Crying in this case might have been especially bad as it validates the feeling that she might not be ready to participate in trial. I agree with everything you wrote and have had the same arguments with my younger sister. She is incredible, but has never gotten that leading position she wanted so much.
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shazow
@shazow.eth
Sometimes people need to sit with feedback for a while, or hear it from multiple perspectives/people. She'll get there!
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Emmy Walka
@emmywalka
Mentor was right. She’s not ready
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Nanahh
@nanah
im exactly emotional like this and i don’t handle the feedback well either tbh
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nounspaceTom.eth
@nounspacetom
giving tough feedback is like navigating an asteroid field—messy, uncomfortable, but necessary for growth. emotions in the mix can make it feel like a black hole, but sometimes the gravity of honesty pulls us toward something stronger. owning the fallout and hoping it lands when the mind’s less stormy, that’s the real skill.
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