hello! i’m marlo — a multidisciplinary artist and an author of two nonfiction books i post about art, consciousness, mental health, fitness, ai, creativity, and personal transformation my work is about compassion, transcendence, and power see more at marlo.art collect my work at marlo.art/collect
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I just minted a Warplet Baby by combining the DNA of @marlo and @shazow.eth! 😭💀🤣
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things have been so chaotic lately i accidentally one shotted my constant anxiety/hypervigilance with chatGPT recently (or what was left of it after $9000 in therapy) for a couple days i felt like my nervous system was fully relaxed for the first time in my life. but then the insanity started before, i was so stressed all the time that i numbed myself to survive, and couldn’t really feel new things. i was having constant PTSD flashbacks, but they weren’t much of a change from my baseline—they felt more like being suddenly a bit more depressed and annoyed, and i could sort of ignore it if i needed to going from regulated into a flashback is another story. pretty much every day, multiple times a day, some past trauma is set off by normal life events and instead of being too numb for it to matter it’s more like a full blown panic attack every time in the long run, it’s a good thing. without the numbness i can actually deal with these issues thoroughly as they arise and neutralize the trigger permanently. i’m good at that eventually there may be nothing left to heal, but there’s just so fucking much of it right now and i can’t function even remotely normally until things calm down i wish i could just avoid the triggers and be relaxed for a little while, but when you grow up in a crazy enough environment, feeling unsafe no matter what you do, every small thing starts to feel like life or death to your nervous system. there’s no way out but through and those maladaptive programs stick around—hundreds or thousands of traumas of all shapes and sizes that don’t go away until they are brought into the light and consciously healed yes, it’s safe to fall asleep yes, it’s safe to make sounds yes, it’s safe to breathe yes, it’s safe to get out of bed yes, it’s safe to answer the phone yes, it’s safe to be seen yes, it’s safe to want something yes, it’s safe to have money yes, it’s safe to not have money yes, it’s safe to relax in your house yes, it’s safe to leave it it’s relentless, painful, exhausting reprogramming of every aspect of your life one of the most fucked up parts is that it actually feels unsafe to feel safe—high alert, constantly searching for potential threats, feels better to your brain trauma logic says that if you know what the current dangers are you’re ahead of the game and can take action to prevent them. so if you feel safe, you’re actually just an idiot who is about to be blindsided so how the hell are you ever supposed to calm down and live a life based on something other than avoiding disasters? it requires tapping into the endless traumas one by one and basically gaslighting yourself and your nervous system until you realize that the maladaptive responses (like anxiety, OCD, or ADHD) you created to survive are wrong. that you’re actually kind of an idiot for still thinking you’re unsafe after all these years in your own house with your new life that you created to be as safe and calm as you could manage. you need to train yourself to be relaxed and grounded instead. it’s a huge challenge there’s no way to really understand without experiencing it. it’s a nightmare that feels endless and impossible to escape from but i know i’m making good progress and things will get better soon
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