jokes
memes & jokes!!ππΊππΉπΉu laugh, u warp! (ULUW)πΉπΉ mint your own original content (OC): [uplink.wtf/jokes/mintboard]πΈπΈ
@morereese
βI have a friend who was a clown. When he died all his friends came to the funeral in the same car.β ~Steven Wright
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@breck
Newton, Darwin, and a modern Scientist go to heaven.
God is standing at the gate.
"Your research will determine whether you may enter heaven."
Newton is up first.
He shows God "Principia".
God smiles reading Newton's description of gravity.
God shakes his hand and opens the gate for him.
Next up is Darwin.
He shows God "Origin of Species".
God says "You nailed it!"
He lets him in.
Finally, the modern Scientist is up.
God asks to see his work.
"Sorry", he says.
"It's paywalled."
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@catfacts.eth
If you wanna set the location of your ex's home as a "nuclear facilities center" on Google Maps, now's the time.
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@catfacts.eth
Relationship hack:
Slap a nicotine patch on your partner after they go to sleep every night and take it off before they wake up. they'll get hooked on nicotine. Should they break up with you, they'll associate the shitty feeling of withdrawal with their new found freedom and come straight back to you.
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@yanga
I donβt eat anything orange, except oranges because they admit that theyβre orange. π π
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@catfacts.eth
Why did the coffee go to therapy?
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It had issues with its battery!
Get it? Battery/caffeine? πβοΈπ
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