Vera Faye on Farcaster

Vera Faye pfp

going to start doing more of these stream of consciousness vents because holy shitttt . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . you've been warned again. you wanna go here? come on then! >>> hiii I'm autistic as fuck. combined type adhd. I got my diagnosis three years ago to the day. I was not expecting to receive "severely autistic" I was only hoping to get help for my extreme adhd after not one, not two, but three of my five children were diagnosed and I realized that... fuck. I had been missed. it presents differently in girls. especially, traumatized, quiet, people pleasing little girls who are forced to take care of their (now-obviously neurodivergent) parents. so when I tell you I was shocked. I mean, fuckers, I was SHOCKED. and dismayed. and honestly, traumatized by the fact that not a **single** fucking doctor, teacher, therapist, counselor, coach, or otherwise even remotely suggested I might have autism. yeah yeah, times were different, yada yada fuck all. (possibly continued below 👇)

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Vera Faye pfp

all of these *care*-givers... watched me struggle through so many fucking obstacles that didn't appear to be obstacles to the outside perceivers. I grew up in a hoarding house. I think my grandparents were in our home maybe, 5? times while I was growing up. my parents drove hours out of the way to take us to our grandparents homes. that were safer. my oc-fucking-d started young. trying to keep track of all of my precious things. trying to make sense of my parents. I seriously remember having a thought at like 4 that either my entire family was crazy -- or I fucking was. surprise surprise! I *am* crazy! because every single fucking institution has gaslit me, told me I should be able to perform whatever they require of me, and do it with a smile. when I was younger and had more energy, sure, I could do it. what I didn't realize was I was also raising neurodivergents. same fucking struggles for my kids. labeled "problem children" by society. nope, just fucking autistic and adhd. (more? more! 👇)

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Vera Faye pfp

and every single fucking one of THEIR care-givers, teachers, therapists, doctors, etc (sensing a theme here?) didn't mention it either! not until my youngest was so far behind his peers that it couldn't be ignored anymore. then we did a deep dive. his doctor lied blatantly to my face. finally got pissed off enough to change doctors for a second, and then a third opinion. and then finally! finally the cracks in the damn opened and one of them listened. and said I was right. so... 30+ years of gaslighting. lying. being missed. and it's fucking retroactive. y'all. it's fucking retroactive. I never had a chance to find out who I was, because I was so busy masking, performing, burning my self out, playing pretend in their little societal fucking parade of tomfoolery. and guess what? a late diagnosis DOESN'T FUCKING HELP. if anything, it's made things more challenging. because I've "made it this far" without support. here's the thing, it doesn't get less challenging. (more? who fucking knows 👇)

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Vera Faye pfp

5. let me say that again. F-I-V-E! children. completely fucking missed. until I demanded a second and then third opinion. because while I was well rehearsed in child rearing at this point, I *knew* something was different about #5. non-verbal until 3. intelligent as fuck. here’s the thing. each of us are pattern recognizers. so each of them constantly was teaching the others. and every single fucking time they leapfrogged their intelligence. in TANDEM. do you know how fast you have to learn to keep up with that?? the absofuckinglutely insane amount of questions, “why?!” is permanently seared into my brain. out of all of us? only my youngest received a portion of “help.” still denied disability. even with years of records. because the states aren’t actually interested in supporting us. …I digress. this rant was about a conversation I just had with my mother. who told me I am a fuckup because I had sex as a teenager. not “I see that you struggled. I did too.” 👇

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Vera Faye pfp

advice that I sought out. for safety. from a trusted caregiver. who was supposed to be able to give me medical advice. instead? she handed me off unceremoniously to a coworker, with a reprimand, and quite frankly disdain that I had the audacity to attempt to protect myself. got my fancy awesome birth control. went on with my bad self. got sick. my primary called in a prescription for an antibiotic. not even deigning to see me. and bing bang boom. #1 was inside of me for 6 *months* before I even realized I was pregnant. how you ask?! welp. (undiagnosed autism) extreme sportster. soccer. cross country. softball. volleyball. cheerleading. taekwondo. volunteering. not uncommon to lose your period when you’re that active. plus the “advanced” cognitive study load. did not have a fucking clue. still taking the birth control. doctors unconcerned. until my mother had a suspicious vibe. made an appointment. *LIED TO ME ABOUT IT* and then I’m sitting there shocked. hurt. and beside myself.

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Vera Faye pfp

so from day 1 of discovery, I had two options. adoption. or becoming a parent. went down the adoption rabbit hole for a while. it was absolutely horrific. no joke. I felt like I was a prized fucking cow and they were trying to buy my “mistake.” the desperation that permeated every single room I entered was palpable. and I think. looking back now, I suspect my mother was jealous. she had failed ivf. and here I am just… naturally capable? fuck. that’s gotta be rough. I try to have compassion all the fucking time. especially since she just lost my sister. we. *we* lost my sister. fuck. my body is tired. my mind is tired. my heart is fucking sad. that I can’t have a safe space to say “I’m different, and I need help.” especially not with my multi-disabled parents, who literally deny autism. the breaches of trust. every damn time. and then “why won’t you talk to me?!” excuse me ma’am. you. are. NOT. a safe space. 👇🏻❔

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and let me just say. the “help” that the state offers? isn’t fucking help. more “care-givers” that act like you’re a machine. oh! you’re neurodivergent? you talk fine. you obviously went to college! nope. I’m articulate motherfucker. because I taught myself to read at four. read every damn book in my house. begged for books for birthdays, holidays, especially christmas. finished the local library by 10. got my big girl library card. that was a mistake. the city library was an escape from the cage of my reality. I’d have sold my soul to live there. unfortunately no genuine genie’s resided in the library to allow such an opportunity. no vampire’s to offer immortality so I could read in the dark and transform at will. repeated kicked out of classrooms for proving teachers wrong. so I sure learned how to mask. how to hide myself. make myself smaller and smaller. and smaller. to fit into the “correct” mode. in which I stayed for farrr too fucking long. I’m done.

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Charlie pfp

Thank you for sharing this. I feel connected with you and your story. You’ve been through a lot. I have ADHD. My mom always advocated for my needs being met in school. She fought constantly for me, and even so, it was a constant battle against the denial and gaslighting you mention. I think we are seeing more recognition of the real challenges people with ADHD, autism, and other “hidden” disabilities face. We still have a long way to go. I think you telling your story is important for bringing awareness to this important subject. So many people face these struggles and don’t have anyone to advocate for them. Thank you for using your voice 🫶

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