Tokenized Human pfp
Tokenized Human
@tokenizedhuman
You die. You get to.choose one memory to watch once more before an eternity of nothing. What is it?
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PhiMarHal pfp
PhiMarHal
@phimarhal
In middleschool, I crushed hard on this girl. Beautiful girl, smart and with the prettiest smile. She was the Sun personified to my impressionable little mind. For a period of time we were sitting in the same desk in class. Spots were assigned by teachers. One day, in history class, she started leaning on my shoulder out of nowhere. I mean really lean in. Like I was her pillow or her boyfriend. Me? I was frozen like a deer in headlights. You like to stare at the Sun, but you don't want it to hug you. It would burn you alive. At some point, still in this position, she said "I really like you". My dumb ass replied "it's not mutual". As in, in my head, I more than just really liked her. I can guess she was surprised. Made me repeat my words, I said the same again. Head gone from shoulder. I was a child more than a teenager really, and hopelessly out of my depth. I wish I could see this memory with my adult eyes, to truly *see*.
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Tokenized Human pfp
Tokenized Human
@tokenizedhuman
Damn Phi. Why didn't you say it's mutual or me too!!!?
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PhiMarHal pfp
PhiMarHal
@phimarhal
At the time, this very moment was the most bliss I had experienced in my life. I am an innate control freak. I think even as I was enjoying it, there was also growing despair at the idea it would inevitably stop. My mind came up with the answer that was truthful in the absolute but also misinterpretable in the relative. (Plus, I could see the history teacher looking at us with an amused smile, and I think I was embarassed!) As far as I can tell, this didn't even discourage her in full. She remained warm and friendly to me. In the couple more years we were in class together, she tried to engage me several more times. I still managed to heroically fumble every opening she gave me. I truly was a kid emotionally and not ready to have any form of contact with a person I admired so thoroughly. I tried to recontact her a couple times over the years, but she ghosted me each time. Can't blame her, the most logical scenario here is for me to be a crazy stalker. I'm still so curious about it all!
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