Had to have a tough (but unsuccessful) conversation with my younger sister, who is interning at a law firm right now.
Her mentor grilled her during a 30 min private feedback session and expressed that she was not ready to participate in trial. My sister was upset that she felt belittled, and that the feedback was done in private as she thought it was so her mentor could humiliate her. During the session she broke down crying, because she felt bad, and she also mentioned that she wanted to make her mentor feel guilty.
I tried to break it down for her, that feedback in private is great, that intense feedback is a gift, and that crying in the workplace can impact her upward mobility against her less emotional peers. And crying can also affect her professional reputation, because it can be perceived as taking feedback poorly. I told her she could just take the feedback and cry in the bathroom if she had to. She became upset with me that I did not agree with her response.
I called her immature after attempting to break it down multiple times, which I feel bad for. One thing I try to refrain from is putting labels on people’s actions or personalities, but of course my sister can push all my buttons to make me lose my patience 🤣 and that’s still my fault and I own that.
As a sibling to her I do not want to make her feel more bad than she already feels. But I also feel a responsibility to be honest with her, even if she doesn’t want to listen, and hope that the advice permeates when she has a cooler head.
Sometimes you gotta give people you care about tough feedback 😜 18 replies
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