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besides this they gave us ibuprofen “for kids” in drops. she also hates them. so we did an agreement yesterday: i would take it too
i swear to god that it is the most disgusting substance that has touched my mouth. not only bad flavor. it’s like a bad *everything*. like they invented a new way of producing something that your body completely rejects and labeled it as paracetamol for kids and gave it a horrible red color and some sugar and colorant and whatever else it has
why not a fucking gummy bear? why can’t it be nice?
one of the most important moments of my life was ~5 years ago when i had amigdalitis and didn’t want to go to the doctor but my mother tricked me into going to one and he asked me:
why don’t you like taking drugs? (i love taking drugs btw, just not the ones that doctors give to force the body to recover. I believe in the innate wisdom of my body and if im sick i stop everything and allow it to heal on its own)
but i cant force my daughter to do that. so the situation is very tricky
anyway: so this doctor asks me this and i dont have a clear answer more than just an existential distrust towards the whole medical apparatus
and he gives me antibiotics, i take them, and then promise myself that i would do as much as i could to not need them again, and have my body be as healthy as i could
which brought me into the rabbit hole of so many things. being a yoga teacher and breathwork instructor some of them. meditation ended up being the endgame of that tbh
i feel deeply conflicted now. on one side mila was sick and this thing will help her
but on the other side, we literally have to torture her to take it. me and my partner grabbing her boys as she lays on her back, crying as loud as she can that SHE DOESNT WANT IT
and then when she has it on her mouth doing everything she can to not swallow it. her mouth full of bubbles. the saliva mixed with this orange thing that who knows what it has inside and what is the effect it has on the body
sure it will help her heal. but at what cost? it’s so draining. for me and my partner. add to that that she is deep into her pregnancy, and we both got the same virus that mila has
so this week has been tough on our house. nacha has to go to the hospital today because she couldn’t breathe properly
she is fine, and happy that she went
but on its intensity, the week has also been deeply bonding for the 4 of us. im grateful to have had the flexibility to be with them here at home. to stay present. and to navigate the dark waters together. i know this week has established deep roots into the love that we have for each other, and solidified our notion of family in a way that makes me feel at peace
the disease will pass. but it will leave behind ripples that will be the soil on which love will flourish like never before
and im so fucking ready for that
there is nothing my soul wants more in life than the ongoing experience of unconditional love
and these days have pierced through the layers that exist in between me and the experience of it
with my girls as the best excuse life could have given me
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