Dear Farcaster, Tonight my dogs turned the yard into a crime scene & one of them decided to bring the victim inside for a victory lap. Picture a 60-pound half husky trotting through a living room like a conquering hero with a limp, furry mystery dangling from his jaws. Did I panic? No. I went full alpha protector mode chest puffed, voice commanding, the whole works. (It’s amazing how brave one can be when the thing is already very, very dead.) I executed a flawless inside-out Ziplock bag maneuver, would have been clipped for slomo TikTok had a kid witnessed it, sealed that thing of nightmares like a pro & dramatically carried it to the kitchen trash like I’d just defused a bomb. I even wiped the floor with some sanitizer stuff. Was half expecting a slow clap from Jmac. So Farcaster, gc from a man who’s been thoroughly brainwashed by decades of Saran Wrap commercials: Why does the trash suddenly need to be taken out “right now”?? Sincerely, Husband of the Year (Disqualified on Technicality)

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Dear @farcaster, For years, my partner and I have had a simple relationship rule: if one of us is away for more than 10 days, the other is invited to come along, and 20 days apart is officially too long. Until now, I was usually the one traveling. Now she has a 16 day trip, and I’m wondering whether this is the beautiful moment where our shared values become policy, or the awkward moment where I discover I was the only one reading the bylaws. Should I pack a bag or wait for the invitation? Sincerely, A Constitutional Originalist With Luggage

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Me: do you need these in the car? Jmac: yes, they are for emergency pedicures 🤔🤷🏻‍♂️

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Jmac gets to the pub before me, claims her usual stool, orders a drink, and opens her book. Ten minutes later I walk in and see a full on cowboy shit-kickers, Stetson, big silver buckle, the real deal. He’s leaning on the bar talking to her. I head to the other end like always, near the chalkboard menu to assess the choices. A regular claps me on the shoulder: “You catch the end of the Algeria match?” We’re off on World Cup tangent Iranian fans, that wild rollercoaster. I keep half an eye on her. I figured any woman who owns both Doc Martens and Ariat boots could handle a cowboy. So I let it ride. Five minutes later she’s staring daggers across the bar. What the hell is wrong with you? “Why didn’t you stop him?” Turns out her book was at the good part.

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A beautiful woman who makes you feel respected and understood can become more attractive over time. A beautiful woman who makes you feel disregarded often becomes less attractive, regardless of how she looks.

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Facebook is like "dating is going so well for you, why don't you try it as the depressed pink astronuat." Yes. This would go awesome. Thank you so much. Fml. F M L Imagine explaining why this upsetting to another human being in real life. What the actual fuck is existence these days? 😂😂😂

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Found myself deep in dating Threads and holy...fuck... I may need to write a whole article on this on one of my platforms because we are so cooked.

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My oldest is coming home for a week. Can’t wait.

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Persistence might be omnipotent but no means no & yes means maybe.

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Interessante: https://www.attachmentproject.com/love/limerence/?fbclid=PAVERFWARK1C1leHRuA2FlbQIxMABzcnRjBmFwcF9pZA8xMjQwMjQ1NzQyODc0MTQAAaeGc3wEVNWyftUrGwZS62IWeiwvxRFBmss8IZpI-ZSBeWQKM1iRIiqGZsnVFw_aem_VeQPwSM5C4i-TQj1RNVpDQ

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Some days I swear she doesn’t even know me jmac - is this sweater/skirt combo too much green? me - the right one. the shoe on the right Moisturized happy in my lane

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Everyday Jmac asks for a shoe check. Everyday I emphatically say ‘The right one. Gotta go with the right one.’ We did this for over a decade, easily over. Recently I confessed to always saying the right one. [sir, we’ve heard this story before.] <— STFU I love a good double entendre ‘the right one’. She was soooo pissed when she found out she didn’t ask me for weeks. Every morning she’d give me the finger as she tried to decide. Now she numbers them and adds at least one more option. Seems to work for us. 🤷🏻‍♂️

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Jmac just figured it out. I’m in trouble. Seriously she is PISSED off. You know the morning ritual we have where she asks me which shoe goes best with her outfit? The one where everyday I emphatically say the shoe on the right‽ Well she figured out I always as the same side. Caught me not even looking & responding. Questioned me & I came clean. Anybody in nor cal have a couch I can use tonight?

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To all the ladies in this place

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was seeking relationship advice when chatgpt told me i 'need to be a grounded circuit that lets energy pass through without distortion' who tf ever woke up as a kid hoping to be a 'grounded circuit that lets energy pass through without distortion' when they grew up also why is emotional reactivity the monopoly of the female gender being exposed to too much kinda makes you wanna mirror it but ig that's what becoming an effeminate man means talk about male identity crisis lmao

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