confessions

i envy some of you a lot sometimes.

i see you all make friends so effortlessly and let people in your inner or outter circle and form lil communities and think to myself that i wish i didn’t have the bad experiences that i did and i wish i was able to trust people and give them a chance to be in my life more easily i wish i didn’t make them pass a made up test in my mind and only then allow them in. it also doesn’t help that pattern recognition picks up on things that others don’t and it makes it harder to trust people. it doesn’t help that strong sense of justice makes it difficult to see things between the black and white. i’m so tired of being this way. so so tired.

photographer • gen art noob /priyanka • art subscription hypersub.xyz/s/patronsofblue

(it’s not that i don’t have friends who love me, that’s not what this is about)

sigh. it’s about being unable to change the way i am about letting people in (literally could just be in the outter circle) without losing too much of what makes me me, despite wanting to be open to make connections since i live a very chronically online life.