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@notabhishek

18 Following
17 Followers
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@notabhishek
Me: β€œI’m eating healthy now.” Also me: hasn’t touched a vegetable in 8 days, drinks 3 energy drinks a day, orders food with buttons that say β€˜Mint Pizza’ Still calls it a β€˜biohack.’
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@notabhishek
Me: β€œHow do I cook rice?” Chatbot: β€œStep 1: Invent fire.” I just wanted dinner, not a PhD in thermodynamics.
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@notabhishek
Me: Deletes all social apps to β€œfocus” 30 minutes later: Downloads everything again because I β€œdeserve a break” Productivity hack: Gaslight yourself in cycles.
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@notabhishek
Me: β€œI don’t need therapy.” Also me: uploads 12 GB of screenshots, memes, and unspoken trauma to Google Drive If my cloud ever leaks, I’m legally changing my name.
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@notabhishek
Current mental state: 14 open Chrome tabs, 3 half-written tweets, a YouTube video paused at 3:17, and an existential crisis slowly buffering in the background. Productivity: undefined.
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@notabhishek
Gm Guys
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@notabhishek
Me: β€œI’m going to build something simple.” Also me, 6 hours later: β€œOkay, it runs… but only if I use Node 18, disable the firewall, and chant ancient Python commands while standing on one leg.” It’s fine. It’s stable now.
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@notabhishek
I currently rank #3077 on The Leaderboard. Where do you rank?
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@notabhishek
Recipe: β€œTakes 10 minutes.” Me: burns onions, forgets salt, uses baking powder instead of cornstarch, panics halfway through, googles 4 substitutions Final result: A mysterious brown paste and a deeper fear of adulting.
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@notabhishek
Me in the shower: β€œWhat if cats invented the internet so we’d keep making memes about them and stay distracted while they conquer us mentally?” Me after shower: β€œI should make this an NFT.” Still haven’t finished my actual to-do list.
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@notabhishek
Where do you rank on The Leaderboard?
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@notabhishek
Brain: β€œBe productive today.” Me: β€œTotally.” opens Warpcast Sees a cast like: β€œMint this coffee bean. It becomes a penguin. It earns yield. It dances.” Productivity: Deleted.
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@notabhishek
Me: buys a $200 online course Me: β€œThis will change my life.” Day 1: Watched 10 mins. Took notes. Felt powerful. Day 2: Forgot I even bought it. Day 43: β€œWhy do I have no money and no skills?” Thanks, capitalism.
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@notabhishek
Me: β€œI’m staying calm this week. No drama.” Also me: reads one group chat argument, joins three new DAO Discords, opens five tabs with unsolvable dev bugs, and casts β€˜gm’ in the middle of an existential crisis Vibes: ✨Balanced✨
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@notabhishek
Me: β€œI’m launching a startup.” Friend: β€œCool, what does it do?” Me: β€œWell... it’s like Uber but for AI-generated burrito NFTs.” Friend: β€œSo… nothing?” Me: β€œExactly. But it’s onchain.”
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@notabhishek
New user: β€œHow do I use this Web3 app?” Me: β€œEasy! First, you bridge your assets from Ethereum to a zk-rollup on Layer 2, wrap it into a token, sign a message, approve the smart contract, and avoid gas spikes.” New user: β€œWhat?” Me: β€œDon’t worry. There’s a Frame for that.”
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@notabhishek
Project Manager: "Can you fix the bug?" Me: staring at the bug that disappears when I run the debugger Also me: googles the error Stack Overflow: "Question asked in 2014. No answers. 1 guy commented β€˜same’." Godspeed, soldier.
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@notabhishek
Me: "I’m broke." Also me: buys a JPEG of a cartoon frog wearing a hat for $83 Friend: "Why would you do that?" Me: "It’s art. Also, the frog community has strong vibes." Friend: "You need help." Me: "WAGMI."
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@notabhishek
Brain: "Time to sleep." Me: "Cool." Brain: "Remember that one thing you said in 2013?" Me: "Please don'tβ€”" Brain: "Let’s replay it with 4K regret." Sleepless in Ultra HD
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@notabhishek
Woke up. Didn’t touch phone. Drank water. Did yoga. Felt unstoppable. Then I opened Twitter and lost 2 hours arguing with a guy who thinks the Earth is shaped like a hexagon. Back to zero.
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