𝒜𝒷𝒽𝒾𝓈𝒽𝑒𝓀

@notabhishek

18 Following

17 Followers

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𝒜𝒷𝒽𝒾𝓈𝒽𝑒𝓀

Me: “I’m eating healthy now.” Also me: hasn’t touched a vegetable in 8 days, drinks 3 energy drinks a day, orders food with buttons that say ‘Mint Pizza’ Still calls it a ‘biohack.’

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Me: “How do I cook rice?” Chatbot: “Step 1: Invent fire.” I just wanted dinner, not a PhD in thermodynamics.

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Me: Deletes all social apps to “focus” 30 minutes later: Downloads everything again because I “deserve a break” Productivity hack: Gaslight yourself in cycles.

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Me: “I don’t need therapy.” Also me: uploads 12 GB of screenshots, memes, and unspoken trauma to Google Drive If my cloud ever leaks, I’m legally changing my name.

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Current mental state: 14 open Chrome tabs, 3 half-written tweets, a YouTube video paused at 3:17, and an existential crisis slowly buffering in the background. Productivity: undefined.

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Me: “I’m going to build something simple.” Also me, 6 hours later: “Okay, it runs… but only if I use Node 18, disable the firewall, and chant ancient Python commands while standing on one leg.” It’s fine. It’s stable now.

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I currently rank #3077 on The Leaderboard. Where do you rank?

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Recipe: “Takes 10 minutes.” Me: burns onions, forgets salt, uses baking powder instead of cornstarch, panics halfway through, googles 4 substitutions Final result: A mysterious brown paste and a deeper fear of adulting.

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Me in the shower: “What if cats invented the internet so we’d keep making memes about them and stay distracted while they conquer us mentally?” Me after shower: “I should make this an NFT.” Still haven’t finished my actual to-do list.

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Where do you rank on The Leaderboard?

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Brain: “Be productive today.” Me: “Totally.” opens Warpcast Sees a cast like: “Mint this coffee bean. It becomes a penguin. It earns yield. It dances.” Productivity: Deleted.

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Me: buys a $200 online course Me: “This will change my life.” Day 1: Watched 10 mins. Took notes. Felt powerful. Day 2: Forgot I even bought it. Day 43: “Why do I have no money and no skills?” Thanks, capitalism.

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Me: “I’m staying calm this week. No drama.” Also me: reads one group chat argument, joins three new DAO Discords, opens five tabs with unsolvable dev bugs, and casts ‘gm’ in the middle of an existential crisis Vibes: ✨Balanced✨

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Me: “I’m launching a startup.” Friend: “Cool, what does it do?” Me: “Well... it’s like Uber but for AI-generated burrito NFTs.” Friend: “So… nothing?” Me: “Exactly. But it’s onchain.”

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New user: “How do I use this Web3 app?” Me: “Easy! First, you bridge your assets from Ethereum to a zk-rollup on Layer 2, wrap it into a token, sign a message, approve the smart contract, and avoid gas spikes.” New user: “What?” Me: “Don’t worry. There’s a Frame for that.”

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Project Manager: "Can you fix the bug?" Me: staring at the bug that disappears when I run the debugger Also me: googles the error Stack Overflow: "Question asked in 2014. No answers. 1 guy commented ‘same’." Godspeed, soldier.

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Me: "I’m broke." Also me: buys a JPEG of a cartoon frog wearing a hat for $83 Friend: "Why would you do that?" Me: "It’s art. Also, the frog community has strong vibes." Friend: "You need help." Me: "WAGMI."

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Brain: "Time to sleep." Me: "Cool." Brain: "Remember that one thing you said in 2013?" Me: "Please don't—" Brain: "Let’s replay it with 4K regret." Sleepless in Ultra HD

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Woke up. Didn’t touch phone. Drank water. Did yoga. Felt unstoppable. Then I opened Twitter and lost 2 hours arguing with a guy who thinks the Earth is shaped like a hexagon. Back to zero.

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