Omg I just had the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me. I came inside from a walk around the block and started doing jumping jacks. On the 5th jump up, I hear a loud “smack” on the floor. I look down and see the largest wolf spider I have ever seen in my entire life. I am not even exaggerating, it was like a fucking tarantula. 

On top of that, it was a mom and it was covered in baby spiders crawling on its back. So, I couldn’t smash it or I’d have 100s of baby spiders crawling all over the house.

So, I grabbed a cup and placed it over top of the spider. And then put a piece of cardboard under the cup and took it outside. In the process, a fucking shitload of babies crawled out anyway, but I got it outside. 

Now, I’m relentlessly hunting baby spiders with the vacuum. They are everywhere, and I feel like they’re crawling all over me. 

Time to leave the south. That was too much. It fucking jumped on me and came inside on my head or my back or something! Ugggghh.

I think it must be almost dead cause it hasn’t moved from the spot I put it in outside. Definitely still alive but just not much life left. Which apparently is how this works. The babies will eat the mom soon. 🤯

If you look closely you can see them on her back.

Sorry bro, gotta burn the whole house down now 🤣 🔥

Smart play lol, “I’ll let you live, but further the fuck away from my place of residence, madam” 🤣

lol for real man. Worst part is that it hasn’t moved from where I put it outside. But it’s definitely still alive. So now I’m doing operation move the spider #2 to get it like another 50 yards away from my house.