Dear Bert, 
After watching your response to thunder, I feel like as one of your many besties I need to tell you about tonight. 

People--read men--use the birthday of our country to create explosions in the sky or sometimes on their arm that would on any other day put them in jail--not air jail; real jail. 

This may cause you to weenie whine or bark. I suggest the Assistants perhaps put noise canceling headphone on you (and please take pictures). 

Everything will be fine. Nothing is happening. But for about 2 hours you are going to think the gods have come down & will take all your snacks. 

Stay strong, my boi. Peace out. 

Love, 
bradq (on behalf of ALL your friends!)

WTF.

Also, WAS NOBODY ELSE GOING TO WARN ME?!
@bradq you're a real one.

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