Poison Ivy’s Lair
this is basically where i vomit emotions
@ivy
past few days have been different, immensely grateful to be alive and have a feeling my story isn't done yet 🖤
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@ivy
happy few days despite some turbulence today 🖤
i firmly believe you can do the hard thing and survive, and what you might give up will often be worth making the trade to stay aligned with yourself and your values
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@ivy
difficult is maybe the best word to describe this current vibe
I think about the women who said what I did made their lives better, and I think about what it cost, and I desperately want the cost to not outweigh the first part
sometimes it just doesn’t and i feel very guilty and bad about it
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@ivy
I rarely (but not never) feel jealousy or envy now, and I've thought about why that is
I think seeing how fallible others are, and being stripped bare so you can't help but see your own flaws really makes it clear that no one's journey is as good as we might think it is
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@ivy
was reminded of how things used to be wrt being depressed and it's so crazy that only happens maybe for an hour or two at night now
easy to feel resentment over the past few years but so so lucky to have found my way to here
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@ivy
seeing a community i'm in deal with rupture thoughtfully while still deciding to remove someone is faith restoring
like yes you can have the cool burning man artsy thing and still have adults in the room
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@ivy
felt the touch of the divine a little bit over the past few days and it's very odd but also very nice
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@ivy
i feel things now, honestly, authentically because i've given myself permission to and no longer have to seek it from others or feel pressure to feel things the right way
ppl that insist if you feel bad it's your fault really scare me
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@ivy
finding my own way to choosing love has been so hard, but the alternative is just not fun
having empathy for the people that scarred you for life is a strange but good feeling
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@ivy
One of the most difficult things I've ever written: part 2 in a series on my experiences in Rationalist America.
What the explosion that blew up my life felt like, and what the crater looks like today.
https://theasterisk.substack.com/p/a-normie-girl-in-rationalist-america-2
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@ivy
every woman that has ever eventually proven dangerous to me has put forward some version of complying in advance with the patriarchy
the matrix analogy seems kind of sophomoric but queen bees are sometimes more dangerous than the men they support
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@ivy
i am undoubtedly winding myself up like a cheap watch but fuck every techbro asshole on twitter right now erasing susan fowler's bravery by saying kalanick was 'pushed out by investors'
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@ivy
mostly a feelings journal entry about what it's like to go to the ER after you try to unalive yourself and what life is like afterwards with some bonus dunking on vibecamp incels
https://open.substack.com/pub/theasterisk/p/feelings-journal-dispatch-1?r=8qt9d&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
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