i am undoubtedly winding myself up like a cheap watch but fuck every techbro asshole on twitter right now erasing susan fowler's bravery by saying kalanick was 'pushed out by investors'

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mostly a feelings journal entry about what it's like to go to the ER after you try to unalive yourself and what life is like afterwards with some bonus dunking on vibecamp incels https://open.substack.com/pub/theasterisk/p/feelings-journal-dispatch-1?r=8qt9d&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

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the thing i am most happy to have learned in a skill way and not a concept way is to know you can't speedrun things one day you wake up and things are just better, and you can't pick which day that is

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i've had this feeling vaguely resembling emptiness since dec 2023 that i really am terrified means whatever ethereal spirits were looking out for me have left

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closing the door on something traumatic feels less like accomplishment and more like emptying part of yourself the whole feels better, but the hole still feels bad

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i'll probably never see a rave dance floor or music festival again i think that my experience was not always what i wanted, and not what it could have been if i had come out when i first knew, but it was still pretty good for being a late bloomer

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still feeling the energy from ritualing last night this is either psychosomatic or i have been successful in summoning a dark spirit

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ritualed successfully for the first time in a long time but i did burn one thumb bad enough that i think it's blistering, such are the dangers of witchcraft

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this guy runs a podcast about harry potter rationalist fanfiction and it really makes me want to vomit someone with influence equates victims of sexual assault and violent rapists ps: some details here indicate this is about me https://deathisbad.substack.com/p/any-community-that-tolerates-trauma

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mostly write things that make me both really happy and cry now, i think that’s a good thing

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changed banner to honour my heritage

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i've always liked how someone described jack bauer's way of being in the world: he knows he can't win, but he still tries to i think about this scene a lot: the rules were written by women a lot smarter than me, but my heart has never been able to live by them https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xj-a1n8puI

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being in writing flow is way better than sex

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it's felt really good to just focus on writing something for a whole month regretful i didn't have more confidence in myself to really take a run at it before

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one more day of editing! then i will take my own advice and cease being very online for a week

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