Poison Ivy’s Lair
this is basically where i vomit emotions
@ivy
one thing i am very happy to have ticked the bucket list box on is dancing to new order at a blood rave
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@ivy
the thing i am most happy to have learned in a skill way and not a concept way is to know you can't speedrun things
one day you wake up and things are just better, and you can't pick which day that is
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@ivy
i've had this feeling vaguely resembling emptiness since dec 2023 that i really am terrified means whatever ethereal spirits were looking out for me have left
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@ivy
closing the door on something traumatic feels less like accomplishment and more like emptying part of yourself
the whole feels better, but the hole still feels bad
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@ivy
i'll probably never see a rave dance floor or music festival again
i think that my experience was not always what i wanted, and not what it could have been if i had come out when i first knew, but it was still pretty good for being a late bloomer
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@ivy
still feeling the energy from ritualing last night
this is either psychosomatic or i have been successful in summoning a dark spirit
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@ivy
ritualed successfully for the first time in a long time but i did burn one thumb bad enough that i think it's blistering, such are the dangers of witchcraft
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@ivy
this guy runs a podcast about harry potter rationalist fanfiction and it really makes me want to vomit someone with influence equates victims of sexual assault and violent rapists
ps: some details here indicate this is about me
https://deathisbad.substack.com/p/any-community-that-tolerates-trauma
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@ivy
i've always liked how someone described jack bauer's way of being in the world: he knows he can't win, but he still tries to
i think about this scene a lot: the rules were written by women a lot smarter than me, but my heart has never been able to live by them
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xj-a1n8puI
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@ivy
it's felt really good to just focus on writing something for a whole month
regretful i didn't have more confidence in myself to really take a run at it before
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@ivy
one more day of editing!
then i will take my own advice and cease being very online for a week
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@ivy
raving days are solidly behind me and i am so grateful for them
they were all incredible adventures
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