Won't rewrite all of this again for Farcaster, but some thoughts about how I've been doing lately. https://x.com/i/status/2029400535263003059

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Nano Banana 2 is cool.

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I spent a lot of earlier life desperate for anyone to listen to whatever was bothering me. I didn't yet go to therapy, but I always felt better after talking to someone about whatever was going through my head. Then, I had some relationships where it was brought to my attention the demand this takes on someone. Everyone has things that worry them, and having to listen to everything upsetting me on top of it wasn't always something people could handle. This is how I became familiar with the concept of trauma dumping. I had a bad habit of using other people as impromptu therapists. I find that now, I have over-corrected. My therapist says that I am too dismissive of my own emotions, often because I know how rampant and detached from reality they can be. I won't talk about things with people. I don't want it to be their problem, especially when I'm making things up in my head. This week has been particularly difficult because this over-correction now leads to issues in my interpersonal relationships. I have a serious detachment between my emotional brain and logical brain from years of dismissing my own emotions and avoiding conflict, and it often takes me a lot of time to sit with my emotions and figure out what's going on. The depression doesn't help, as sometimes, nothing has happened and I still feel terrible. Long story short, I am learning that spending life as a doormat, while promising for avoid short-term problems, leads to its own long-term problems. Working really hard on trying to improve, but I will say that 2025 was exhausting with all of my mental health work. It takes a lot of energy and my energy levels aren't great to begin with. Sometimes, I just want to cry. Nothing gets better without effort, though. I spent years thinking I was okay because I knew what was wrong after my diagnosis. It's this time that convinces me to get back in the arena and keep working and fighting for my mental health, even when I feel I have nothing left to give. Well, thanks for coming to my TED talk.

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When you hate dealing with people, but also have been feeling more lonely than usual... https://x.com/i/status/2014210286597849269

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The company's data says that most individuals see results in as little as three weeks, with 77% seeing their depression score improve by at least three points on the clinical scale. https://newatlas.com/mental-health/fda-approves-device-depression/

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Live look at me (hopefully) starting to feel more like myself than I have in the past month:

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Gm frens. Today's going to be difficult. I have been upset with one of my friends (I have very few, making it even less fun when we fight) for a week now. I am trying to work on speaking up to advocate for myself instead of dismissing my emotions. Usually, I would've dismissed my feelings and we wouldn't still be fighting. What I am learning is that I really prefer the easiest path back to peace, regardless of whether that solves anything. This has led me to all kinds of bad relationships, both platonic and not, over the years. So it's important that I try, but I also don't always do well trying to speak. My anxiety really makes it difficult, especially when I'm upset with someone. I can't simultaneously acknowledge how I feel and not risk upsetting them, so I usually default to ignoring myself to make sure the other person is content. Today, I am going to try the opposite and work to explain my thoughts to my friend. I tried this a couple of days ago on the phone and it went very poorly. I just get overwhelmed so easily. I wish it wasn't so difficult for me to tell people how I feel. Writing helps. I'm much better at that. I can make edits, take my time, and think through things in a way that I can't when trying to speak and react in real time. 2025 has been a big growth year for me. I used to think I was a good communicator. I am now realizing that I am a terrible communicator and a great doormat, which is why my conflicts always resolve so efficiently. I am going to stop now, as I already feel a bit overwhelmed. I am scared. I fear I am going to end this friendship if I can even articulate what I am thinking. 😔

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Today is brutal, man. Shut this shit off.

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Sorry in advance. Sharing this to /mentalhealth in case anyone else is struggling rn and also feels better off being alone than continuously trusting others just to inevitably be let down once again, albeit perhaps on a varying time schedule from the last time. People will just continuously hurt and disappoint you. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually, they show their true colors and you realize that you were never worth jack shit to them to begin with. This only gets worse if you actually achieve some level of success, because then people have even more reasons to use you and manipulate you. Luckily, I don't have to worry about that. *sigh* Why even bother, anon? Why try? It's all a giant waste of time for inevitable pain, heartache, and a return to feeling worthless and meaningless in this vast universe in which we are mere specs of dust floating in the wind.

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Please note that if you're willingly giving up your favorite things in life and you AREN'T founding anything, you likely are depressed. Trust me, I am clinically an expert in this category. I give up my favorite things willingly all the time in the midst of depressive episodes.

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Feeling like shit today, but wanted to thank some of my OGs who don't throw me to the curb when I feel the worst of my depression. https://x.com/depressivehacks/status/1972694912719016418?t=f9uHLYmmlaqRZHrTsnrXAA&s=19

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First poor mental health day in a while. Felt overwhelmed, anxious, and unwell most of the day. Energy levels were low. Didn't enjoy taking the day to touch grass like I should've. Just felt empty all day. Tomorrow is a new day.

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Gm. Today is the final day of my Moonwalk step challenge. I have been using Moonwalk to gamify my fitness and have been doing a good job of getting outside and walking more this year. I fell off in July, but I'm glad to be taking a small step back in the right direction after wrapping up today's game.

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Not sure how I feel about "life coaches" who are still in their 20s and open camera to give "advice" to people. Like what do you know about life? Brought up in a home of mummy and daddy, went to school all fees paid and you think you understand life. Lol.

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Felt incredibly anxious, so we're out for a walk now.

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