Some good mental health stuff on Twitter today for the first time in a while. Dropping one here for you all. https://x.com/i/status/2084729779056525682

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When you send a text you have been afraid to send and your anxiety goes through the roof 😭😭😭

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In doing a postmortem on my latest depressive episode, I found this to be exceptionally true. I feel lost because I am bored. Work is not engaging. Socializing has me burnt out and short on cash. I didn't have anything that I was working on besides DepressiveHacks, and that "work" was just being chronically online to spread brand awareness via posting on socials because I have no money for an advertising budget to reach clients. My recent pivot to trying to work out and buy groceries / cook is a few of the activities I am trying to lean into for some sense of direction, the direction being my new mindset of "if I'm going to be sad, I can at least be hot and rich as well." Ofc this is arbitrary - more attractive and less financially upside down would be good, and both will require work over a long time horizon. Probably going to write a blog about this because I need to dump these thoughts. Further evidence that the only way is forward.

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After being so unwell all week, I finally broke down and cried. Maybe this is what I needed. Please send lots of virtual hugs.

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Went for a walk and played my new keyboard for the first time today. This is more than I've done most of the week. Therapy tomorrow. I will get through this. Thanks for tolerating my nonsense lately. 🫶

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Lacking motivation lately. Energy has been hard to come by. Maybe time for a walk.

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Update: received news that my current largest anxiety contributor has been resolved. Still feel depressed. Having a broken brain isn't all it's cracked up to be. That said, I am happy that I now have one less overarchingly suffocating thing to worry about.

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Ngl, I have been hating what I have been seeing lately: https://x.com/i/status/2061978820459262459

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Therapy was really good today and was needed very badly. Grateful to have had the opportunity to talk about things. 🫶 It's okay to not be okay.

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Gm. I am so excited that I have therapy today. I have been really making an effort to push myself beyond my comfort zone lately. Unfortunately, the world has not been rewarding me for it. So today's discussion is going to be about perseverance and continuing to do these things because I know they're good for me, even though I am getting back results that are seemingly reinforcing that I should've never put forth the effort to begin with.

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This is why I push people away. I hate responsibility.

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Update: I was overthinking. Shocker.

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I am trying so hard to be better about overthinking, but I have some things that just trigger my anxiety to spiral. For example, when I don't get a text back from someone, I just assume that they're pissed at me. This was a learned behavior from a previous relationship, but I can't kick it. I know people aren't as chronically on their phones as I am, but alas, here we are.

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This is the worst day of my life.

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Gm frens, Happy to share that I am finally feeling better. This was not a particularly fun depressive episode (name of my telenovela). Appreciate all the kind words and support as I worked through my shit. Still definitely not 100% but am able to at least get some less overwhelming things done from the comfort of my own home versus spending every waking moment in bed flopping between facing the door or the wall in the fetal position.

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