Gm frens, Happy to share that I am finally feeling better. This was not a particularly fun depressive episode (name of my telenovela). Appreciate all the kind words and support as I worked through my shit. Still definitely not 100% but am able to at least get some less overwhelming things done from the comfort of my own home versus spending every waking moment in bed flopping between facing the door or the wall in the fetal position.

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I just wanted to say thank you to the folks who I spoke with today regarding my blog article. I received some really good thoughts from a couple of FC frens and it helped me to hear their perspectives and similar experiences. I won't name them to ensure that it's up to them if they want to share their stories, but if you're out there and read this, know that I appreciate you greatly.

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This is my official application to register @bertwurst.eth as my Farcaster emotional support dog. 🐕

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One of my favourite things to write is a perspective of mental health symptoms. I usually write them as close to experiencing the symptoms as I can, trying to capture how I feel in the right words. My biggest goal in creating DepressiveHacks was to help normalize mental health. All of my other goals are ancillary in comparison. I hope people read my experiences and can have more empathy towards others as a result. You truly never know what someone else is experiencing. https://x.com/i/status/2040285368990236868

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Been quiet this week because I've not been doing super and have had a lot of shit pop up that needed attention. I owe a big thanks to some of my friends who helped me get out of my house and try to forget about shit this week, as well as a big thanks to my own brain for not locking me in analysis paralysis in my house alone all week with no desire to leave. Nowhere to go but up. 🚀

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Gm. I hate systemic issues all the time, as inefficiencies drive me nuts. I hate them even more when they directly impact my life. https://x.com/i/status/2038977432456245756

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Won't rewrite all of this again for Farcaster, but some thoughts about how I've been doing lately. https://x.com/i/status/2029400535263003059

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Nano Banana 2 is cool.

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I spent a lot of earlier life desperate for anyone to listen to whatever was bothering me. I didn't yet go to therapy, but I always felt better after talking to someone about whatever was going through my head. Then, I had some relationships where it was brought to my attention the demand this takes on someone. Everyone has things that worry them, and having to listen to everything upsetting me on top of it wasn't always something people could handle. This is how I became familiar with the concept of trauma dumping. I had a bad habit of using other people as impromptu therapists. I find that now, I have over-corrected. My therapist says that I am too dismissive of my own emotions, often because I know how rampant and detached from reality they can be. I won't talk about things with people. I don't want it to be their problem, especially when I'm making things up in my head. This week has been particularly difficult because this over-correction now leads to issues in my interpersonal relationships. I have a serious detachment between my emotional brain and logical brain from years of dismissing my own emotions and avoiding conflict, and it often takes me a lot of time to sit with my emotions and figure out what's going on. The depression doesn't help, as sometimes, nothing has happened and I still feel terrible. Long story short, I am learning that spending life as a doormat, while promising for avoid short-term problems, leads to its own long-term problems. Working really hard on trying to improve, but I will say that 2025 was exhausting with all of my mental health work. It takes a lot of energy and my energy levels aren't great to begin with. Sometimes, I just want to cry. Nothing gets better without effort, though. I spent years thinking I was okay because I knew what was wrong after my diagnosis. It's this time that convinces me to get back in the arena and keep working and fighting for my mental health, even when I feel I have nothing left to give. Well, thanks for coming to my TED talk.

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When you hate dealing with people, but also have been feeling more lonely than usual... https://x.com/i/status/2014210286597849269

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The company's data says that most individuals see results in as little as three weeks, with 77% seeing their depression score improve by at least three points on the clinical scale. https://newatlas.com/mental-health/fda-approves-device-depression/

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Live look at me (hopefully) starting to feel more like myself than I have in the past month:

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Gm frens. Today's going to be difficult. I have been upset with one of my friends (I have very few, making it even less fun when we fight) for a week now. I am trying to work on speaking up to advocate for myself instead of dismissing my emotions. Usually, I would've dismissed my feelings and we wouldn't still be fighting. What I am learning is that I really prefer the easiest path back to peace, regardless of whether that solves anything. This has led me to all kinds of bad relationships, both platonic and not, over the years. So it's important that I try, but I also don't always do well trying to speak. My anxiety really makes it difficult, especially when I'm upset with someone. I can't simultaneously acknowledge how I feel and not risk upsetting them, so I usually default to ignoring myself to make sure the other person is content. Today, I am going to try the opposite and work to explain my thoughts to my friend. I tried this a couple of days ago on the phone and it went very poorly. I just get overwhelmed so easily. I wish it wasn't so difficult for me to tell people how I feel. Writing helps. I'm much better at that. I can make edits, take my time, and think through things in a way that I can't when trying to speak and react in real time. 2025 has been a big growth year for me. I used to think I was a good communicator. I am now realizing that I am a terrible communicator and a great doormat, which is why my conflicts always resolve so efficiently. I am going to stop now, as I already feel a bit overwhelmed. I am scared. I fear I am going to end this friendship if I can even articulate what I am thinking. 😔

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Today is brutal, man. Shut this shit off.

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Sorry in advance. Sharing this to /mentalhealth in case anyone else is struggling rn and also feels better off being alone than continuously trusting others just to inevitably be let down once again, albeit perhaps on a varying time schedule from the last time. People will just continuously hurt and disappoint you. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually, they show their true colors and you realize that you were never worth jack shit to them to begin with. This only gets worse if you actually achieve some level of success, because then people have even more reasons to use you and manipulate you. Luckily, I don't have to worry about that. *sigh* Why even bother, anon? Why try? It's all a giant waste of time for inevitable pain, heartache, and a return to feeling worthless and meaningless in this vast universe in which we are mere specs of dust floating in the wind.

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