与 Neynar AI对话，它知道了我发的内容，知道了我的链上操作，给我的信息反馈有着痛苦而真实的感觉，比我拿着碎片化的信息与其他 LLM 聊更加的深刻。 一个自我认知导航：「叙事免疫期」的人。不知道自己不知道，到知道自己不知道。

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消费那些由文化与主义构建的虚幻蜃景时，蜃景也在审视你的匮乏。为了抵御这种无孔不入的凝视，我们被迫在精神世界里筑墙、演兵、反击。这种对抗从单一的点，裂变为线，再蔓延成面 —— 一生万物无穷尽的演练。最终在思维的演武场上练就了绝世功法，却也沦为标靶。

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Attuned to people and human nature. Deal with facts and data calmly. This is my way of self-healing, yet again struck by the evil in human nature.

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Sitting in Starbucks with my earbuds in, I can feel this sharp ringing in my ears. But at the same time, I can actually hear my inner voice - the real me, what I truly hate. Why I don't want to do media anymore, why I don't want to speak on X. It feels like when there are too many people around, everyone's talking over each other, and I can't hear my own thoughts. When there's a crowd, I have to put on a mask, and all my mental bandwidth goes to reading the room - I have to pause and think about what I can say to keep everyone happy. It's exhausting. Giving up all that headspace means I miss the chance to catch my own instincts. I hope that in encrypted cyber spaces, I don't have to do this. I can just listen to my inner voice, process the information I receive with my own thinking machine, and then turn it into bets, into action. I like being a couch potato, just sitting there listening to that voice. This might be a very personal experience. I call it "tinnitus meditation." The funny thing is, as I think through all this, the ringing actually starts to fade.

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我的 2022-2025.5，深度体验他人即地狱。 另一方面，独立像是个无边的光谱，也不知道独立到什么程度才能算是独立，依赖到什么程度才算是依赖。而影响很多人的岂不是一个特大地狱？就算此时不是地狱，时过境迁，环境因素改变了，曾经的积极影响也有可能变成地狱。

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Be wary of others' attempts to define or influence you, whether intentional or not. Stay self-aware and question your own beliefs—ask yourself: "Do I really think this way?" Whether you have ideals or not should be determined by you alone, not defined by others or swayed by their suggestions.

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I've been obsessed lately with mimetic desire content, which has made me reflect on many of my past behaviors. I feel like I've started to grasp the opposite of mimetic desire, what's truly valuable and worth getting your hands dirty with, though I sometimes abandon these principles in social settings. A while back, I changed my Weibo nickname to 'Alpha Xiaoping.' The 'alpha' wasn't about tokens with 100x returns, but about discovering non-consensus, cool things before they're widely imitated. A friend called this being a geek, but I think that's a stretch, it's just something that makes me feel good about myself or a kind of insight I aspire to have. Following this mimetic desire thread, I've watched many Peter Thiel interviews, which seem to help explain certain events in the crypto space. But these second-hand public materials are often distorted or just fragments of truth awkwardly connected, creating absurd narratives. I'm not even sure why I'm consuming all this content.

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Antigone: Yes, for it was not Zeus who made this proclamation, nor was it Justice who lives with the gods below that established such laws among men, nor did I think your proclamations strong enough to have power to overrule, mortal as they were, the unwritten and unfailing ordinances of the gods. For these have life, not simply today and yesterday, but for ever, and no one knows how long ago they were revealed. For this I did not intend to pay the penalty among the gods for fear of any man’s pride. I knew that I would die, of course I knew, even if you had made no proclamation. But if I die before my time, I account that gain. For does not whoever lives among many troubles, as I do, gain by death? So it is in no way painful for me to meet with this death; if I had endured that the son of my own mother should die and remain unburied, that would have given me pain, but this gives me none. And if you think my actions foolish, that amounts to a charge of folly by a fool!

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When I come up with some good ideas, later I usually realize that the ideas came to me. And in that moment, I'm not even aware of my own existence. On the contrary, when I'm overly conscious of "myself", trying to imitate or racking my brains, what I come up with is most likely crap.

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Those things where I have less self-criticism and increased self-affirmation are all about me becoming less mimetic or anti-mimetic. I used to think this was innovation, but in reality it's still far from innovation. It just at least shows my value orientation.

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https://warpcast.com/emodi/0x50574cd0

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Sometimes walking away is the right move. When you sense a situation spiraling into chaos, and realize that neither you nor your friends have enough influence to bring any order to it, staying involved might just drag you down with it. In those moments, getting out of the system entirely can be the smartest strategy.

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An interesting perspective gained today: Politicians are market makers of public sentiment. "When in the course of human affairs, it becomes evident that those entrusted with the powers of governance do serve as the principal architects and merchants of the collective passions of the people, trading upon the emotions of the multitude for their own advancement."

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I used to have a strongly constructive mindset—easily inspired to act on whatever I saw, stacking different elements together to create something, even if it was just random assemblage. This manifested in consuming content for hours, collecting information, or writing bits of my own. But to do truly meaningful work, I discovered I needed to research and deconstruct first, and deconstruct deeply. This process made me intensely critical, questioning everything, sometimes veering toward nihilism. Meanwhile, my old habit of casually constructing things would occasionally pull me back, creating a tug-of-war between these opposing forces.

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After I changed my Bio to "nerd," I heard a friend saying that if you want to be a nerd, you're just looking for privilege, especially in crypto. But originally I just felt that many things weren't interesting anymore, so I might as well quietly read books, fully engage with them, and enjoy myself peacefully.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

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