Theodorecius
@theodorecius
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after spending a bunch of time and money over the last six months trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me— urgent care, immunologist, naturopath, obgyn, blood panel, scratch test, pee test, poop test, ultrasound— apparently i am *just* stressed.
it is one thing to feel emotionally stable, but i am learning that your body can disagree.
early this year an urgent care doctor suspected i was having an anaphylactic shock and stabbed me with epinephrine. i had no known allergies. when i went to an immunologist afterwards my body reacted to every single item on the allergy test— i had a hyperactive histamine situation. since then whenever things got unusually stressful (war and authoritarianism to further exacerbate) spots on my body would swell and itch.
i am pretty level about it now; its been a minute. when people say stress could kill you, i didn’t think they meant potentially your face and throat swell up and your heart pumps on turbo trying to keep up with your dropping blood pressure to prevent a cardiac arrest. we just have a culture that feels pretty cute about stress. i was astonished that stress looked so unflattering.
i don’t know why i’m telling this story now (other than to try out the extra character count). more time spent listening to blasting music in a fetal position can be good for you. i was pretty misguided to think mental tenacity alone could see you through. you can will your way into many things but sometimes you can’t will your way out of high histamine and low cortisol. 24 replies
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A few days ago, I had a dream that my 3yo son passed away.
I don't remember the circumstance, but I do remember the anger and agony I woke up with. Not a cold sweat, but a turning stomach and a clenched jaw.
Followed by a swath of relief.
My dream wasn't real.
My son was healthy, holding my hand gently in his final few moments before waking up.
For me, the emotions faded and gave way to the remainder of the day.
For far too many, however, an fear of imminent death and untimely mourning are a part of life.
This isn't an opinion piece.
I don't know what we should do. I wish I did.
All I can say, is that I hope that least here on Farcaster, as we build, trade, touch grass, and cast, we keep each other's humanity in mind.
- zeni 6 replies
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