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"Ask your doctor if Basedapna™ is wrong for you."
Basedapna™ may cause minor to severe side effects including, but certainly not limited to:
dry mouth,
damp knees,
itchy confidence,
the feeling that someone just texted you (they didn’t),
unexplainable fondness for traffic cones,
clicking sounds when blinking,
regret-shaped hives,
and mild-to-moderate daylong déjà vu.
In clinical trials, some users experienced:
spontaneous philosophical insights followed by confusion,
increased risk of purchasing a kayak,
the urge to rearrange strangers' furniture,
emotional detachment from pants,
vivid dreams involving ancient Roman bake sales,
and a moderate increase in jazz hands during arguments.
Less common but more interesting side effects include:
overly dramatic hair flips,
sneezing in Morse code,
disassociation while using QR codes,
ghosting people you’ve never met,
temporary belief that your ceiling is judging you,
intense cravings for foods you’ve never tasted,
allergic reaction to the word “moist,”
emotional entanglement with sentient houseplants,
and believing you’ve won an Oscar for best internal monologue.
In rare but statistically poetic cases, Basedapna™ caused:
multilingual hiccups,
inverse blushing,
beard growth in non-beard zones,
mild hallucinations of being interviewed on a podcast about lizards,
slow-motion blinking,
and spontaneous memory of the quadratic formula (followed by inexplicable tears).
Do not take Basedapna™ if you are currently alive, recently dead, or hypothetically existing.
Basedapna™ may interact poorly with air, water, gluten, self-reflection, and direct eye contact with goats.
Consult your doctor if you experience:
sudden realization that capitalism is the disease,
desire to file a class-action lawsuit against your past self,
or an overwhelming urge to shout “I’M CURED!” in the middle of a silent yoga class. 0 reply
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