@serenussage
It is a combination of both. It is loneliness, both desired and undesired. Undesired because he wants to enjoy it the festivities but no one notices him, he is by himself, he is afraid to go and just make friends with strangers because they all seem to be accounted for. If he only had his own person to enjoy them with then things would be different.
Desired because he is okay with the cold bitter weather because it reminds him of the cold bitter truth that this is his reality. To be alone and by himself. No one really care because if they did when he moved through shoulders wouldn't someone say something, like oh my bad, or hey i am sorry. they move on like he isn't there, because no one cares. So it is what is desired.
I love your assessment of this
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