I don't know how to dispose of the anger and contempt that I have. Even if I did know idk if I would, cause all this anger and grief is what's left of you leaving me, and when I throw it out how else would I be reminded of your absence? Oh and don't tell me I could always think of the happy memories cause those things just make me wanna waterboard myself because I could never have it again.
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Somedays I just lie on the cold floor without a pillow. Spread my arms and try to dig through the ground and pull you out and give myself a hug and then put you back ma. The cold floors and the cold walls seem to be replacing you in a very morbid manner as I choke on the lump in my throat that arises every time I think of you.
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I have to be more strong willed, I think to myself. But then, what am I without my grief? A happier person perhaps.
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