Hey guys, so I feel like this is the only platform that I can be vulnerable on, one martini in.

I lost my faith in Christianity months ago when I found out that before male centered religions dominating that goddess worship dominated 

and that the top (patriarchal) religions paint women to be the fall of humanity from the start. 

I used to be a huge Christian until I learned this. Majority of my friends and close family still are. But I try not to spread my “hedonism” or deny the Lord in front of them in case there is still hope in Christianity and in salvation. A lot of Christian beliefs are still embedded in me, and so my belief is in a rocky place, where I don’t believe and I’m still afraid to “curse the Lord and die.”

I still believe in a creator. I believe this world is too miraculous to be made without intention, but I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that the creator has a gender, and that he is a man. Or that “she” would even be a woman. it all just seems unfair and biased.

No idea why this showed up on my feed, but "I'll only believe in ABC if XYZ  contemporarily convenient property of ABC also proves to be true" is precisely why I think so much of religion emphasizes constant self-immolation, otherwise one starts to think it's God who needs to adapt to their worldview not vice versa.