You need courage to take your first step. Regardless of your direction being right or wrong, you will fall and falter. You will be defeated badly. You will have to learn acknowledgement, acceptance, and ownership of failures. 
Stop finding "scapegoats". The buck stops at you. Only such unconditional acceptance and soul searching leads to some understanding. 
Such understanding forms the foundation of undeterred perseverance. Since such perseverance is born of courage and acceptance, and informed of understanding, it alone can strengthen the conviction and courage for the next step. 
Every step of this cycle is "painful". Be it the first step of courage, acceptance, and ownership of failures, flickering light of understanding fighting the tyranny of ignorance, sweat and blood of unrelenting perseverance, or the pointers of unwavering conviction that you must gather courage and carry on.
 Walk if you can't run. Crawl, if you can't walk -- even when there is no hint of light at the end of the tunnel. 

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