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farewell to idealism
this text is basically a follow-up to yesterday’s post about elon musk and trump shitting the bed. they believed in their businessman-ceo-founder powers, but reality was brutal to their childish fantasies.
i’ll start with myself. the past year, i went through a powerful, painful, but absolutely necessary transformation.
since childhood, we’re told we can do anything if we just want it badly enough. we grow up on books, movies, and games about superheroes who always win. plus, at school, i often heard praise like “you’re special, nikita, you’ll go far.”
i really believed i could do anything. literally anything. just want it - and boom, i’m on top.
i dreamed of being a global actor, rapper, influencer. touring the world, shining on screens. being everything.
but the more i wanted it — the more life pushed back, showing me the world doesn’t work like that.
sure, i’ve got some charisma, some talent, some skills. yeah, i’m an interesting person. but that’s it - i’m not a genius, not a superhuman, and most likely never going to be super rich.
it was incredibly painful to realize that i’m just a person. just a dude.
at one point i even thought about ending it all - like, what’s the point of living if i’m not going to be the best?
but in the end, i realized the point of my life isn’t to be the best. it’s to be myself.
yeah, i care about views, likes, money - but that’s secondary. what matters is inner harmony. when everything’s on fire around me, and i still know i’m walking my own path.
i stopped dreaming about being everything. i just stopped giving a fuck.
i want to live.
if tomorrow someone told me i’ve got one year left to live, i wouldn’t rush to leave a mark on the world or create something “great.”
i’d go on walks, watch the sky, the cities, the trees. i’d write my autobiography. that’s it.
this whole race to “show how amazing i am” - it’s a joker trap.
does that mean we should ditch ambition? no, not at all.
by letting go of the idea of my own greatness, i actually got more ambitious - but now it’s about me, not about others.
it’s about being, not proving.
don’t try, don’t chase, just be - that’s my motto now.
i used to want to jump higher than my head, to make sure i never lived an “ordinary life.” i despised it. i wanted adventure. i wanted fame and recognition.
i still want those things - but they’re no longer my main goal.
now i understand: people around me matter more than any grand mission or goal.
i feel sick when i hear someone talk about their “great mission.”
because behind that is usually either pain (trying to prove their worth) or plain immaturity.
fuck trumps, elon musks, and all the other bullshitters.
i want to talk to real people - the ones who just know how to live. without “great goals.”
and you know what?
those are the people who actually end up doing great things.
not out of pain.
but out of wholeness. 1 reply
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