@jpfraneto

on our bedroom there is a tall small window. on that window there is a picture. im on it, as a little kid, holding a soccer ball almost as big as i was back then at dawn, while putting ema to sleep on my arms, i usually walk around the room. dancing and singing to her. improvising what comes to me. trying to bring her to ease and rest and lately she does. actually, right now she is sleeping in my arms. as i write this. literally anyways. each time that i see this picture i wonder about my relationship to soccer. it was the spinal chord of my life until i was like 26 years old. i used to play on leagues 5 times per week with my friends. watched lots of games. was a fanatic of a chilean team universidad catolica “la cato” i used to go to the stadium. sing the whole 90 minutes. cried many times. some of joy. many of pain. probably have never felt emotions as intense as the ones soccer brought to my life and today as i was dancing i was asking myself why. because right now im so disconnected to it. 90 minutes of watching a game feel like such a massive waste of time. i see it as something completely different from what it once was but why was it so important? and today i was thinking about my father. throughout my life, i didn’t see him too much doing things that brought to me strong, masculine energy. i didn’t see him close enough to my mother. or felt him close as a father but when relating to soccer, it was as if he transformed. we went to the stadium together. the four of us. and his masculine energy felt more alive there than in any other situation at least that is what i feel right now. and think that maybe all of my years relating that closely to soccer where just an unconscious attempt to connect with the energy that i felt him embodying when relating to it trying to tap the masculine inside me through competing seriously on it myself, through cheering for *our team* perhaps that brought the strong and centered masculine connection that my soul always lacked when coming to this body not shading at him at all tho. he is an amazing human being that lots and lots of people love. i love him too, how he is. at least i try as much as i can but his generation definitely lacked some touch when relating to kids and woman. and especially to themselves. and we are all suffering part of the consequences of that (see all men in power and the imbalances that express in their egoic relationship with power) i think it is time to heal it and writing this and sharing it with you is just an attempt to walk on that direction it all starts on the intimacy of your own heart.

3 replies

1 recast

12 reactions