anky

suddenly you realize that you don't need to use the back space

and you just keep writing

father, meditator and freelance miniapp builder and consultant

Can you copy and paste the piece you wrote above? It's hard to read in the screenshot you have posted. 

Excellent piece of honest, confessional writing. Got a similar experience, i think quite a few can relate to this.

Balance is hard because the pendulum b
is always swinging. Faster for some people, slower for others, but always swinging.

and you can read that piece and realize that in my current experience of being human i relate to weed from the perspective of it being an unlocker of my capacity for being unique. and that's a fundamental lie. its the core lie of existence. and i lie to myself because i project the -non real- belief that it is actually unlocking me. im like a majestic and powerful horse that numbs himself because he is afraid of his own power

but on the other side i also like it and really feel that it helps me. so im trapped into this eternal spiral of judging myself because i smoke "more than what i should" and the actual experience of how i feel when i smoke. like right now i feel tension. not release. it is "supposed to" relax me, but the incessant and permanent thought of it being "something that is not good for me" is killing me

and i suspect this is something that happens a lot, with a lot of people. the voice inside the head is loud, dear reader

but you are not alone in the relationship with that:

you