jp 🎩
@jpfraneto.eth
young jp finishes his math assignment before most of everyone on class. he feels good about it. proud. as if the achievement of being "better than the rest" was what fuels him. he looks around , bored. waiting for the recognition from the teacher young jp feeds from that recognition from authorities that image came back today on the gym, as we were doing the workout of today with the group. for the first time since i started going to this gym 4 months ago, we were doing everything as sa group and i saw myself starting the new round before others. they were resting, i was ready for more young jp was there, comparing himself with others. doing things faster than them. feeding that hurt ego that is alive today. and it was back then and as that recognition came into awareness, i asked myself: why? what's the reason of doing things faster than the group? why do i detach myself from them? i don't need to tell anyone "im better" the only one im racing against is me. not them. every one is on a different level. every other person is having their own trip why does mine need to be in relationship to them? why do i need to run alone in order to satisfy this need that i don't completely comprehend, but that i can see and feel? i decide stop. and rest. with them and look around. and smile. and discover: i don't need to be the fastest one i don't need that recognition. i just need to do the work. to face myself through the consequences of doing the thing, and just navigate the challenge of that class together. together why am i in a hurry ? what makes me be in that hurry.? it is not necessary. it is not necessary at all. im just doing my best here. everyone is doing their best why does young jp need to /be better/? (as if doing things faster was "better") im on a race against myself. you are on a race against yourself. and each time that you look around you and feel that you are actually on a race with "them", anxiety kicks in im not running as fast as him. i haven't achieved what she has achieved. she is younger than me and somehow... better she is yonger than me and somehow better... where will this take me towards? what is that bringing to me? the perspective of that burns inside. of not being the best one in class. of not being the first one to finish always comparing with the one that is next to me but when will it be with me? si i close my eyes and focus on what i feel inside. how my muscles burn. how the experience of what is in me burns and i release that tension. the pressure. the expectation. i invite my self to release it all in the acknowledgement that it is not me all of this is not me. it is just a mirage compare yourself against yourself and your past experiences. that is all of what you know releasing a little bit of that tension that had every jp be in a rush to earn the love that the world had for him because of being "the best" and he had earned you don't need to be the bests you don't need to be the fastest you already deserve to be loved you just need to be you it really is as simple as it gets
2 replies
1 recast
10 reactions
0ffline.xo 👽🪐✨
@0ffline
Are your parents equally ambitious? I also like how you wrote this cast, made me read it all the way 🫶🏼
1 reply
0 recast
1 reaction
jp 🎩
@jpfraneto.eth
ty offline <3. im putting energy into sharing writings like this. i like to do it. and i like writing. thank you for mentioning that you like that and about my parents... i would say yes. that's part of what brought this mindset into me. i need to have good grades. my father always said: in whatever, but the best and that ripples
0 reply
0 recast
1 reaction