@itsbasil
as someone who has struggled with confidence their whole life, i've come to realize that insecurity is the root of nearly all toxicity — particularly in relationships
to be insecure is to let the ego drive, and to let the ego drive is to be blind to human connection; to live life with blockers on
the only way out is true humility — but it's not enough to simply be humbled; humility requires the death of the ego, or at least the breaking of it; one must have their worldview destroyed and their goals crushed to see clearly
one must awaken — or at least set out on a path of de-conditioning to see the light; to let the soul surface; it's a conscious choice to rewire fundamental beliefs, but for most, the conditioning is too strong; decades of voices have solidified into walls of expectations and judgement
even then, it may not be enough; it's easy to believe that some new success will generate confidence and finally heal the void — but for the person who never embraced humility, success only places another bandaid of ego over the wound; another layer of expectation and leverage
to have the ego drive is to never find love, as love is the destruction of the ego: it's the connection to ones soul — the awakening of the real you — which must surface before it can intertwine with another or forever allow it to hijack your happiness
thats why they say you cannot love another if you do not love yourself; because he who does not love nor understand themselves, allows others to decide what or who they should love, which is simply to be empty
so to love someone who is insecure is to disrespect your own soul — it's to lower your consciousness to preserve an ego that is lost; an ego that is at war with itself and therefore blind to reality
as the ego is the enemy of the soul and insecurity is the enemy of love and you cannot love someone who doesn't love themselves for there is nothing to love; there is only selfishness — a cloudy mirror of pain
this lesson has cost me more suffering than anything else in my life:
to love someone who cannot see you;
to embrace someone purely who only sees you strategically;
to face an arbitrary checkbox just to be loved;
to know that their conditioning will only ever produce conditional love;
to go to war for someone who doesn't believe you'll return a victor;
when all you've done is provide patiently for years and fought for it;
that is true pain
know your worth; let them go no matter how hard it may be; you are deserving; you are enough
this is my apology to myself for nearly a decade of wasted energy
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