@dutchyyy

I don’t know where and what to focus on. I don’t know where & how to communicate at the same time. —-Why I think I might already be dead, a critical analysis —— I’m 45 yrs old. Everything I’m currently observing & experiencing is unprecedented & unfamiliar. Prior to the pandemic, my entire lived experience had two consistent features that regardless of what life threw at us, a path forward felt tangible. They both are tied to same foundation. Beyond a personal level, if these foundations no longer are reliable, the entire unwritten laws of a civilized society unravel. Prior to the pandemic, the frictionless normalized flow and results of human communication were objectively effective and why wouldn’t it be right? It’s arguably the most important function of the human experience. The other lived truth, that always existed but no longer feels enabled is. “You get out of it what you put into it". "Life responds to effort". "You get what you give". "Better to fail trying than not try at all" While this is just a philosophy & not as guaranteed as laws of physics. The only reasons Human have been able to last thing long normalizing things like sacrificing finite time participating in norms like labor for pay, education, ambition & the concept of business in general or capitalism at least is because those philosophies mostly had very consistent results across humanity to become cliche philosophy & North Star compass behavior in the first place. I’m not exaggerating or overstating how those two human normalcies that never failed or felt rng or flat out futile prior to my life prior to the pandemic, have both become the most consistent opposites since, the most consistent truth and reality I am personally experiencing as well as observing is that communication is futile, and the time, energy and effort and dedication you put into anything will almost certainly be in vain, like it never happened. If I’m in some sort of purgatory this doesn’t matter, if I’m still existing among others, that is also worrisome. Cus nothing I’m experiencing or critical observing is rooted in a familiar reality where these two intrinsic tools for navigating & being able to shape our own future are still reliable & effective.

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