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christin
@christin
Cheat sheet on How To Listen Well * 66% REFLECTIONS: Replace any questions with a 5-word reflection * Emotions: you feel… * Values: it’s important to you that… * Exaggerate: you NEED to do it… * Express affirmations and strengths * 33% QUESTIONS: Ask mostly 5-word “what” questions * Notice conflict: I heard you saying this and then you say this, what is true about that? * Shift conversation b/t Engaging, Focusing, Evoking, Planning modes * Assume the first thing said isn’t really the thing at play * Generally evoke feelings more than plan * Keep it easy * Just pick up the last dangling thread, the last few words said * “What else? What do you mean?” * “What does this conversation mean for you today?”
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Chao Lam
@chaolam
When I read the reflection part, initially I read the “you” as referring to myself! Instant fail 😭
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christin
@christin
well my teacher Gil Fronsdal does say that when we are listening we should pay only 50% attention to the other person and 50% attention to our own feelings in response (which at the time we were like what!? Really!?)
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