autism
A dedicated channel for parents of children on the autism spectrum and individuals on the spectrum themselves. Supportive and informative environment where everyone can learn, share, and grow.
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I caught myself masking today. Today was my makeup and hair trial for the wedding. (I’m usually not vain, but the tldr is I did my own for my engagement photos and did not love it.) Another girl was behind me getting her H&MU done also. And when they finished, they did a demo reel with one key light and suddenly squealed (!!) at the results. Yes, complete and utter gasps 😱🤩 I was a bit curious after both my stylists went over and echoed the sentiment. I thought “dang this has got to be some incredible shit!” But I still hadn’t seen anything due to having my back turned away. They finally remembered I was there, and when they showed me the vid… I was so confused. My brain was like, “uhm, what exactly was so good about this? The makeup? The hair? the lighting?” 🧐 She was pretty but it was unclear to me what warranted the squeals. Then the good old mask came straight up: “OMagaad. Stunning. Great job ladies” and I did what I know I’m supposed to do to avoid awkwardness. Sigh.
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literally edna mode⊹ ࣪ ˖ pfp
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I have many problems with my own image. Who I think I should look like is very different from who I am comfortable being. I hate haircuts that make me look older. Or clothes that make me look serious. Even though I'm in my late 20s, inside I'm almost a decade younger. I wanna wear comfy clothes. I don't want to look serious but I feel so displaced. So aside from the image dysphoria, I have a hard time existing and looking at myself in pictures or in the mirror. It's like two different people. And I keep trying to make them both meet halfway, but it seems impossible! For example, I tried letting my hair grow bc I'd look more adult but it's been 4 months and I wanna shave the sides and blonde it. This makes me look 10 years younger. It's good to enjoy life but makes me looked down when it comes to work as I'm not "so serious". The hardest thing about giving up on masking is that we can't do it selectively. Yes, fuck the stereotypes. But sometimes it's not that easy
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