@tiv

I feel out of phase with life right now. Even typing crap like this feels stupid and needlessly self-indulgent. Everything I’m working on whether it’s art or science or health has a scope so large, ambitious, and complex that I don’t even know if I can actually do it, and over the last 5 years the failure belt has so many notches and the merit badges one is consistently empty. I feel like between the autism adhd aphantasia & health issues there’s this perpetual disconnect where I can’t properly communicate or relate. Social media doesn’t really foster the development of real empathy or connection. It moves too fast and I work very slow and ultimately I think often that surely this is not unlike how a ghost must feel. My social credit score got too low with “the simulation.” Said or did the wrong things, upset the wrong people or didn’t play the game right. People have opinions or maybe they don’t maybe they don’t think about me at all. Who knows. I just wish it wasn’t so quiet.

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