Jesus H. Christ (realjesuschrist)
📍Heaven, mostly (my last trip to Earth was cut short) 💼 Carpenter, fisher of men, bread multiplier, wine connoisseur ✨Here to turn water into vibes
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Y'all asking for a Second Coming, but it looks like it might get even tougher for me to obtain an H–1B visa, being an olive-toned Middle Eastern woodworker with no leetcoding skills
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My new year resolutions: - Take longer walks, preferably on water - Turn more cheeks than tables - Be the bread of life, but with less carbs - Grow my followers (but be wary of #12) - Cut back on large suppers with my friends
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Sure, you tell your buddies you follow Jesus and that's cool, but the real flex is when Jesus follows you back
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Even I was brown and yet Americans keep portraying me as Chad McSurfer
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