@push-

Picture 5 years of your life, 1825 days. Now picture having a daily habit that takes ~3/4h each day. You don’t really know why you’re doing it, but you still wake up everyday goddamn morning knowing that mission won’t carry on itself. So you put the work in, day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute. You don’t really know where you’re going, but you just know you’re willing to die for it. Then, you use the time you have left everyday to speak about it, tell ppl your story, trying to make an impact, trying to make everyone believe they can be like you, they can have that delusional self belief too. But the world is not ready for your empathy, so everything you’re doing becomes even more foggy and sometimes meaningless to your eyes. You question yourself. Am I losing time? Should I do something else? Shoud I stop? Should I change?Should I sell my soul? And in that dark cloud of disbelief you’re forced to deal with this tiny little flame in you that won’t go away. So what once starter as an habit became stubbornness, and you find yourself hiding in this infinite loop of inner serenity, just to preserve your inner child dreams and to try and make it right for him. And then you look back at it. You stop for a second to admire what you did. It makes you feel good for a minute, it makes that child feel proud of you. But it’s somehow not enough. It’s not what you’ve worked hard for, it’s just a bunch of disconnected dots that only makes sense to you, not others. I don’t know for how many more years that tiny little fire will find a way to sheed that pale light of hope in the blackest of smokes. All I know is that I will do anything in my power to make that little kid proud of me again. Day after day. Whatever it takes.

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