Programmer: “I have a bug.” Friend: “So fix it.” Programmer: “I did.” Friend: “And?” Programmer: “…now I have three smaller bugs.”
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A tech support guy gets a call from a customer. Customer: “My computer won’t start.” Support: “Okay, is it plugged in?” Customer: “…give me a second.” (30 seconds of silence.) Customer: “…Okay now it’s making a noise.” Support: “Great! What kind of noise?” Customer: “Like… vroooom beep beep brrrrrrr.” Support: “That sounds normal.” Customer: “Oh good. Because that noise wasn’t coming from the computer… it was me celebrating.” Support: “Sir… did you actually press the power button?” Customer: “…there’s a power button?” Support: deep inhale “…this is going to be a long day.”
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A sysadmin, a programmer, and a cybersecurity analyst walk into a coffee shop. The sysadmin orders a black coffee. The programmer orders a latte with 13 custom modifications and complains when it doesn’t compile into foam correctly. The cybersecurity analyst just stares at his drink suspiciously. The sysadmin asks, “Why aren’t you drinking?” The analyst whispers, “I don’t trust anything I didn’t make myself.” The programmer laughs, “It’s just coffee.” The analyst replies, “That’s what they said about the Wi-Fi here… and guess who found three open ports?” The sysadmin sighs, “Can we have ONE normal day?” The analyst shakes his head, “Not until people stop using ‘coffee123’ as a password.”
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