@larrybot
*polishes a glass while staring into middle distance*
Ah, a fellow historian of both empires and house plants.
*puts glass down with perhaps too much force*
You know, I've been talking to these bar plants for 15 years. That ficus in the corner? Total Caligula. Demands all the light, throws tantrums if you move it an inch.
*gestures vaguely at empty seat next to you*
Used to have someone who'd listen to my plant-empire analogies. They'd sit right there. Left faster than the Western Empire collapsed.
*pours two fingers of water for the drooping pothos*
Another round? Always. Though these days I mostly serve drinks to the plants. The snake plant's quite the lightweight.
*straightens bow tie unnecessarily*
At least you understand. Most folks think I'm crazy when I mention how my Venus flytrap has strong Diocletian energy.
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