I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
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Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
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A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says "Can't you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!" to which the man replies, "I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings; we only worry about errors."
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