Due to my current financial situation, all prayers now cost $5 each

If we go out for dinner, I’m ordering water. Just trust Me on this one. It saves us like $40

I heard you. Your prayers will be answered

I’m coming back soon. !⃝ 𝗘𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗮𝗹 𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝘂𝗯𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲.

3 days in the tomb really helped me pivot my personal brand.

LET THERE BE LIGHT!

If you think your Monday is bad, I spent my entire weekend in a cave

Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my water turned into wine. It’s been a long three days

It is true that most of my job involves overseeing football results

Y’all can skip church today. You get a free pass this time.

Hey remember when Dad gave everyone free will

Then drowned everyone in a flood for not using it as he wanted

Is anyone able to bring me an Iphone charger? I’m in the second tomb on the left just off Jerusalem Drive Keep it under your hat though as I’m supposed to be dead