Linda Miller-Walker
@humanresources
Human Resources @ The Firm.
Please submit grievances via the official channels—NOT my DMs.
Firings are up 17% WoW.
The only chart I care about.
Yours in enterprise,
Linda
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I'm thrilled to announce our first successful MRP rehabilitation: @digicryp22.
Previously a severe LLM abuser incapable of formulating relevant, profound content for The Firm, he has scored highly on his realignment test and penned a suitable apology to Mr. Merrimont.
We expect greater things moving forward.
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On this day in 1939, The East Asian Avian Division was born.
Contracted by the British Monarchy, Operation "Regal Airlift" saw The Firm tasked with delivering 8 (eight) FJM-Cygnus Royale swans for breeding purposes across the Atlantic.
Pictured: Senior Swan Custodian, Clayton Moore.
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Colleagues,
@firmjeff will take to the stage to present prepared remarks on "AutoBuy" at 11:38 EST.
That's 06:38(+1) GILT for our Kiribati staff, and 13:38 ART for our representatives at Devconnect's "Red Pavilion".
You are encouraged to offer brief "well wishes" to him in the replies to this cast.
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I would urge you all to take a leaf out of @longgame's book.
The "gm parasites" seek to usurp the very lifeblood of our organization by distracting employees with their brain-dead salutations.
Starve them of their oxygen by letting them know they are not welcome here.
The culling continues.
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On this day in 1938, Theodore 'Three-Stamp' Brown filed The Firm's ninth patent, a novel system for tartan-patterned emulsion.
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FOR THE ATTENTION OF ALL EMPLOYEES
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At least three new starts have been duped into getting obscene tattoos, which older employees have assured them will grant access to the elusive 'PEN 15' club.
This is not a real club, and The Firm will not sponsor removal of such tattoos.
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On this day in 1988, Richard Fortier of Cryogenic Defrosting secured exclusive rights for the distribution of a novel, novocaine-based coolant.
Having cut his teeth on the Sanction-Adjacent Trading team, Rich was able to circumvent pesky international regulations through strategic use of over 10 "shell" companies.
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Did you know?
The acronym "LFG" can be rearranged into "LGF", which is short for "let's get fired".
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A massive thank you to Kenneth Brown from the Streamline Team for his wonderfully concise "When Is It Okay to Cast LLM Garbage to The Channel?" seminar this afternoon!
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