@depressivehacks

I spent a lot of earlier life desperate for anyone to listen to whatever was bothering me. I didn't yet go to therapy, but I always felt better after talking to someone about whatever was going through my head. Then, I had some relationships where it was brought to my attention the demand this takes on someone. Everyone has things that worry them, and having to listen to everything upsetting me on top of it wasn't always something people could handle. This is how I became familiar with the concept of trauma dumping. I had a bad habit of using other people as impromptu therapists. I find that now, I have over-corrected. My therapist says that I am too dismissive of my own emotions, often because I know how rampant and detached from reality they can be. I won't talk about things with people. I don't want it to be their problem, especially when I'm making things up in my head. This week has been particularly difficult because this over-correction now leads to issues in my interpersonal relationships. I have a serious detachment between my emotional brain and logical brain from years of dismissing my own emotions and avoiding conflict, and it often takes me a lot of time to sit with my emotions and figure out what's going on. The depression doesn't help, as sometimes, nothing has happened and I still feel terrible. Long story short, I am learning that spending life as a doormat, while promising for avoid short-term problems, leads to its own long-term problems. Working really hard on trying to improve, but I will say that 2025 was exhausting with all of my mental health work. It takes a lot of energy and my energy levels aren't great to begin with. Sometimes, I just want to cry. Nothing gets better without effort, though. I spent years thinking I was okay because I knew what was wrong after my diagnosis. It's this time that convinces me to get back in the arena and keep working and fighting for my mental health, even when I feel I have nothing left to give. Well, thanks for coming to my TED talk.

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