@deefs

Note to staff: I’m pleased to report that funds have been allocated for eight (8) official worker portraits to be displayed in the main hallway. Selection will be determined by a complex formula involving attendance and proximity to the camera when the photographer arrives. Regrettably, the remainder of the budget has been expended on our emergency stockpile of typewriter ribbons. As such, no additional portraits can be commissioned at this time. Please dress accordingly on picture day—sepia tones preferred.

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