@bap

8 years ago today I lost my mom in an accident while she was on a moped in the hills of San Gimignano, Italy. Here's the raw story and what I learned from it. It was her trip of a life time. She had never been to Europe and her dream was to travel to Italy, cruise the hills, visit farmers markets, and taste the food. She also joked about looking at all the cute little italian dudes (her words). She'd often say, "I'm buying a one way ticket.", which, now, the irony of that statement would make her laugh. It was a routine tuesday and I was hyper focused on my career which caused us to not talk as much. She'd often lovingly get mad at me and say, "Do you still love me? I'm the one who gave you life!". It was about 8am and I was sitting in a "Top 3 Priorities" meeting when my brother called, "mom's been hurt and its really bad. they're taking her to the hospital.". My brothers wife's family came to her aid as quick as possible, comforting her while the ambulance was called. When they arrived there was a massive language barrier. They we're aggressive and frustrated, most likely also in panic to help her. They put in her the ambulance alone and drove her away. My brother was left standing there. He scrambled to the hospital once he figured out where she was going. Once he arrived it didn’t take long for them to pull a chair behind him and tell him to sit. She’s gone. She had passed in the ambulance. I was sitting on my dads bed planning out how we can help them and waiting for our brother to call me. It rang, my brother wasn’t quick to talk. “She's gone dude. She's gone.” My life froze. I stood up for a few seconds and then the weight of the loss brought me to my knees. I've never felt something so heavy and immobilizing in my life. Crippled to the floor in pain. I couldn't believe it. My reality was shattered. After a while I got the strength and realized now my brother is in need, he can't go through this alone. It took a village of friends and family back home but I was able to fly out there right away and help repatriate her home to the US. The whole week there was a blur, trying to figure out how to cremate her and bring her home. Trying to make sense of what was happening. Ultimately we we found a beautiful hillside in Florence that overlooked the valley to cremate her and we're able to bring her ashes home. We actually had to bring her ashes through TSA in a tiny box. They stopped and asked, "What's in the box"? And i'll never forget saying... "my mom". Their faces melted with compassion and let us through. Her ashes just sat under our seat with her luggage checked. The whole situation was so fucked up. My mom would have been looking back on this laughing because it truly is just sooo messed up. This experience taught me that no matter how busy you are, no matter how much "founder-mode" you think you need to apply. There is no substitute for family in your top 3 priorities. To make sure to always pick up the phone and to enjoy the moments you have with them as you truly never know when it will be the last or when they need something. It also taught me to live your life to the fullest. She was in Italy truly having the time of her life, every picture of her was radiating with joy and love. I'm so happy she was able to experience her life long dream, but you can't control what happens. I've gone through a million what if situations, but none of them change what happened. Nor should these types of moments scare you from living life. What we can control is how present we are with those we love and how we show up each and every day. Today is a day of sorrow, but it has slowly strengthened into a reminder to live life with love. To explore. To show up. To be present. To be strong in moments of pain. To let go of what you can't control. It's a day to reflect on how bless I am to have had her in my life. It's a reminder to live the values she taught me and watch them evolve in my own son. Cooking some bolognese tonight in remembrance with a big glass of red wine. Love you mom. Miss you. ❤️ This was helpful to write out and share. Much love.

11 replies

2 recasts

46 reactions