@arob1000
Spent ~4 hours on the phone with Apple Support and talked to 7 people over 3 calls. Turns out my new (to me) Apple Watch Ultra 2 has some rare problem and needs to be sent to the factory for a reset. At least they'll cover it even though it is out of warranty.
It was cool that they can remote into your phone/watch but 6 out of the 7 of the people I talked to barely understood technology. Interesting experience that I hope I never have to repeat.